Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.
Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!
Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing.
The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.
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